Why I am so awkward!!

I hate myself. I hate that I’m super shy. I hate that I get worried over everything. I have social anxiety. Why can’t I be normal? I just want to be normal and not have to worry about people judging me. I hate that I can’t keep eye contact with people who I talk to in person. Why am I so awkward?
Thanks a lot for making me who I am today. Sucks that I have to live with this because every time I think I’m getting better my past haunts me. I can’t move one without proper closure. At the same time I never want to see you ever again I’m scared you will hurt me again. I know I’m stronger now then I was before ,but I just can’t do it. You know what really sucks you had to ruin it for every guy out there. I constantly live in fear of guys. Even though I know the brothers at the hall would never hurt me but there are time when I still freak out. The funny thing though is that I’m suppose to be careful of who I trust because of what happened to me ,but I’m not careful because I trust anyone.

All I have to say now is :
I am not defined by what happened to me. I am powerful. I am who am I by what I do, not what was done to me. I am worth it. I was not asking for it. I am not a statistic. I am not a sob story. I am strong. I am unique. I am loveable. I am not in the least bit worthless.
I am important.

I forgive you but you will never know. You will never know how much you affected me to this day. Im going to try me best to heal. I know I will with Jehovah’s help. I’m on a journey to recovery. Only with Jehovah’s help can I succeed.

Sorry for the rant. I just had to share.

Some triggers of Social Anxiety


  • Being introduced to new people
  • Being teased or criticized
  • Being the center of attention in any situation
  • Meeting or talking to someone who is in authority
  • Being watched while you are doing something
  • Having to say speak in public, or in front of people
  • Initiating a conversation
  • Making a phone call or talking on the phone
  • Talking over a microphone to people
  • Going to school/college/university/work etc.
  • Eye contact


a relationship will not cure your issues, no matter how hard young adult books and films try to push that notion on us. if you have depression or bipolar or anxiety or whatever, getting into a relationship isn’t going to cure that or make it go away. person with illness + relationship = ill person in a relationship. please don’t put all of your focus on finding someone to fix you, focus on fixing yourself the right way.